My Love
by Danii x2
Summary: James and Lily have a fight about going to Hogsmeade together. This time, however, James storms out of the common room angry that Lily won't admit to her feelings. Will James let Lily into his heart again?
1. Chapter 1

James and Lily have a fight about going to Hogsmeade together. This time, however, James storms out of the common room angry that Lily won't admit to her feelings. Will James let Lily into his heart again?

This is my first fanfic so if you would like to see more of the story please read and review.

Disclaimer: Totally not mine! I wish it was...

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The four Marauders were playing in the middle of the Gryffindor Common Room. It was eight o'clock on a cold, snowy December evening, quite close to the holidays. Everyone was finished with their homework and either gossiping with their friends, or joining the four troublemakers in their game of Exploding Snap.

"Thank you, thank you. You can thank me and Prongsie here for this wonderful entertainment. We do our best," Sirius said obnoxiously, a smile dancing on his handsome face, gesturing to himself and James, who was kneeling next to the pile of cards and wiping the soot and ash off his glasses.

"You think that's great? You should have seen the one Cara and I pulled on Tuesday," Alexa Barns said from her place next to Sirius' seat. As he sat down she squeezed his arm and he kissed her lightly on the lips. Caralynn Myers nodded in agreement and smiled her toothiest grin. Remus laughed and kissed her cheek.

Lily who was seated across from her at a table, rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and you almost blew up my entire page of notes from charms," she piped up. She was reading her charms notes, sucking in all the knowledge into her already stuffed brain.

"Come on, Evans live a little. Get away from homework land and join the party. Come over here, so I don't have to deal with Sirius and Alexa," James said ruffling up his hair, and flashing her his hottest smile.

Lily rolled her eyes a second time. "You know that doesn't work for me, Potter. Maybe one of your fan club members will join. I know that they are just praying you'll ask one of them," she said. As if on cue, a group of second through fifth year students squealed excitedly when he turned towards their direction. Sirius and Remus fell to the ground in laughter (this happened often), clutching their sides while James simply sighed.

"Ooh, Ms. Evans, that's not a nice way to talk to your future husband," he said. Suddenly, Lily was pushed off her seat and onto James' lap. She quickly slid off and onto the rug angrily. James laughed happily. "I always _did_ wanted Lily on top of me… I guess my wish was granted: Thank you, mysterious genie!" James proclaimed, standing up and bending himself into a low bow.

Sirius, Alexa, and Caralynn shared smiles and began to whistle innocently, being the ones that had pushed Lily onto James in the first place."

"If you did this, you girls are going to be in _so _much trouble…" Lily began.

Behind their backs, Alexa and Caralynn crossed their fingers and simultaneously said, "No, never! Why would we do that?"

"Lils, we have all known for months that you have been crushing on James," Caralynn said, laughing her green eyes sparkling. Lily turned away from James, and blushed deeply, despite the fact that James was also turning a deep, rusty red.

"Lily glared at her friends, before shrieking, "What?! That's completely absurd! I do _not_ like Potter!"

"Honestly, Lily, admit it!"

Lily huffed indignantly. "There's nothing _to_ admit! I don't like him." Either way, Lily turned away from James, blushing deeply, despite the fact that James was also turning a deep, rusty red.

Having a small attention span, Sirius began rebuilding the pile of cards with a few flicks of his wand. Remus and Caralynn knelt down by the stack of cards while Alexa situated herself comfortably onto the couch, laying with Sirius.

Not long after, James and Lily joined in the fun and games.

* * *

"So, Lily, would you like to go out with me now that I know that you like me too?" James asked after they had been playing Exploding Snap for nearly an hour. Lily stared at him in amazement and disbelief. Potter just couldn't take a hint.

"No," she said, simply turning back to the pile of cards and adding another. James shook his head.

"Why not?" Lily chuckled and shook her red hair. Remus and Caralynn exchanged worried glances. James always had a way of asking things at the wrong time.

"Well, for starters, you're arrogant, you bully, and you and Black act like you're five. You make fun of people because you're bored. You enjoy annoying me about going to Hogsmeade or going out with you, which I have answered no for about a million times—"

"369!" Sirius piped in. At Lily and Alexa's surprised faces he said," Remus and I counted."

"ANYWAY- I mean I don't really get why you do. Is it a sport for you or what?" she asked.

"So…Is that a yes?" James asked slyly.

Lily banged her head against the table in frustration. "NO! Do you need me to spell it to you? N-O spells no! The only way I would EVER go out with you is if I were blind and deaf. Even then I would have to think about it," she hissed. She stood up and walked past a group of first years.

She ignored James' fan club's furious glares, and leaned against an armchair. The club was livid. Each face looked like they would heartily agree on murdering Lily if James didn't love her so much.

James gaped at her, trying not to let his feelings show. He failed terribly, comma for Lily's facial features soften at his dejected expression, but made no move to come nearer to him. He sighed and his shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry Lily." Sirius shot her a menacing glare. Lily felt very guilty but oddly pleased with herself. She didn't give up her stature, yet nearly gave in at the angry and disappointed stare that Caralynn and Remus were giving her.

Caralynn Myers had been her best friend since they met on the platforms. She was the friend that shared her secrets, crushes, and dreams with. Caralynn told her about her first kiss with Remus and how he acted around her. Caralynn was the first to know everything that happened to Lily, and knew who was her first crush and secret love.

Being a stubborn Gryffindor, she whipped around to face James again. He had regained his composure and was wearing a lopsided (and so handsome!!) half-smile. _Eeek! Why was she thinking that? He isn't handsome! _After that disgusting thought, she mentally slammed her head into a brick wall.

"Oh my! Call the Daily Prophet! James Potter said he was sorry!" Lily said sarcastically.

"You know Evans, there's a first for everything," he answered nonchalantly. Lily breathed deeply, all of her energy focused on winning this argument and showing James Potter that she really didn't care for him.

That was a lie, and she knew it. Deep down (I mean all the way), Lily really liked him. She actually enjoyed knowing that someone that was so handsome and cute was actually really in love with someone as plain as she was.

"You're right, but if you can't prove to me that you really don't care, you will NEVER get another chance," James sighed exasperatedly. Remus, Sirius and their friends groaned. It was already 10 o'clock and they were just getting started. They made themselves comfortable against the couch and watched the fight began to unravel. "I was going to say that I was sorry for bugging you ever since third year about going out with me, but now I'm not really sure if you deserve it." James was vaguely aware that he was shouting.

A crowd was beginning to form around their group, but that was to be expected. James and Lily were known for their grudges against one another. This fight was just another rift between the two: By morning they would wake up pleasantly happy and ignore one another.

The group was mainly made of fourth through sixth years. They were either James' fan club or people who agreed with Lily over the 'James' issue. Their heads swung back and forth between the two like at a tennis match. Each remark was sarcastic or it was hitting somewhere hard.

"Oh yes! The world should stop because the almighty James Potter decided that he should apologize to someone who has been waiting for it for four years!" she shouted back, her face almost the same color as her red hair. "You never get it, do you, Potter? Why can't you leave me alone?"

"Lily, you're the one that doesn't understand. This has never been a game for me. For some unknown reason, I love you. No matter how many times you scream and slap me for asking you out, I always go back to you. Evans, for Merlin's sake, I LOVE YOU. No matter how many times you've brought me down, no matter what you've done to nearly break me, I STILL love you," James said, ending his thought with a whisper.

Now, even those who hadn't already been watching, came to the circle around James and Lily to watch the fight play out. Everyone's attention was on Hogwarts' famous love/hate relationship.

"Oh."

"Oh'. That's all you have to say. Not even something semi talented. I'm very surprised at you, Evans. You never keep your mouth shut, but when you should say something you don't." Lily kept silent, staring at the floor. James spread his arms out wide. "Well look at this Evans, you have a room full of people to listen to your little speech about me. So why don't you just explain it to them, because- you know what- I'm done. I can't take your everlasting temper anymore." He threw his hands up in defeat and turned his back to Lily and the rest of the common room. "I'm done. I'm sorry for all of the **bad **things I've caused you." With that last retort, James Potter left the common room, the portrait hole closing with a resounding bang.

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Hooray! This is the end of Chapter One. Chapter two should be up really soon. Please review cause they make me very happy!!!!! ) But really, I want reviews so I can start to write better. Please I like critism but no big red( or Yellow!) flames. Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

**My One and Only**

**Another chapter is done. I really meant for this to be only a one shot but well this took on a mind of its own. Plus, I'm sorry for the really late delay in updating. Please forgive me…?**

**Chapter 2-**

It was quiet in the seventh year dorm. Most of the girls were still down in the common room. The students were shocked at the outbursts from Lily and James. Lily knew that she had overreacted but she just wanted to get her point across. She was sick of having to continuously tell him that she did not like him. Lily didn't want to hurt James, she just wanted him to leave her alone.

Now that Lily calmed down, she realized she had been a _little_ mean. She did like Potter and from his speech before it seemed that he did too and wanted her to know…and the entire Gryffindor common room which would then turn to the Hufflepuffs and then, since the Hufflepuffs were just about the most gossipy group, the entire school…even the Slytherins.

Lily was getting frazzled. It wasn't like her to care what other people thought but just the thought of the entire school knowing about her fight with Potter just about caused her stomach to reject her dinner? It really made her wonder, what James' purpose was? There had to be some sort of ulterior motive. Maybe he wanted to humiliate her into dating him or maybe he was going to blackmail her into doing it. Some fresh thoughts she had said the last time they played truth or dare flashed into her head.

Or maybe he just wanted her to know the truth and it just came out the wrong way.

But it didn't mean that he wouldn't drop her the second they went out on a date. The second he found out that Lily was not interesting.

There were plenty of other girls that were beautiful and James could have a pick. Sam Turner who was the exotic beauty of the Ravenclaw house. Or maybe Heather Reynolds of Hufflepuff. James always seemed to tease the short blonde. It was a pity that Alexa was already taken by Sirius. James could have had her too.

Why was James so obsessed with her even though she didn't have shiny blonde hair and perfect blue eyes? Oh and don't forget the big breasts. James and other guys flocked like ducks to crumbs to the girls that had big breasts.

Lily was shocked at how she was acting. She was being ridiculous. Almost like she was jealous. Sure James had gone out with different girls through the years but that seemed like ages ago. He had broken up with Rose Martin, his latest girlfriend, at the beginning of their seventh year.

Remus had told her in Ancient Runes that James was laying low. He was on a…_what did he call it…a_ "no girls" sabbatical. He was taking off time with girls until the right one came along. Remus had put an extra emphasis on the _right one_. It seemed that he too felt that James and Lily belonged together.

Lily sighed wearily. Why was life never easy? It couldn't be just black or white. It had to have all sorts of grays and colors. Lately Lily seemed to think she was in the multi-colored zone.

The creaking of the dorm door made Lily jump from her bed. It was Caralynn. She had a confused expression but her normally kind eyes showed disgust. That was what frightened Lily. Cara was a sweet little girl, the perfect angel. She helped everyone she could and was positively perfect in everyway. She was kind and patient. Unlike Lily she never lost her temper and always seemed to be happy.

She felt that everything happened for a reason, no matter how bad. Lily depended on her for support when things went bad. She was the one person everyone went to whether they had homework problems or more personal matters.

Since her mother died, Cara had acted as her surrogate mother. Lily considered herself to be independent and self sufficient but Cara always seemed to know when she was at her weakest point and needed help. She would help her solve everyday problems. From her boy crushes to the process of choosing her future occupation.

Disappointing Cara, was a terrible feeling. She had to fix this, no matter what the cost.

"Can I come in?" she asked. Lily sighed and nodded. She fell back on her bed, hiding her head under her pillow.

"Cara are you mad at me?" she whispered. She felt the mattress sink as Cara sat near her. Cara began playing with her hair a she spoke.

"No Lils, just confused," Cara said, "Lil, you shot down one person who loves you no matter what you've done," She said simply, her light Scottish accent accentuated. "No matter what you are. Why?"

"Why thank you for putting it so bluntly." Lily said dryly. "Is that true?" she whispered.

"What? That he loves you or that I spoke the truth?"

"The first part,"

"Lil…I think that's for you to figure out," Caralynn said sighing. "James is an odd person. He's mischievous and annoying. He's spoiled and arrogant. But then you know that underneath all of that is a smart, unselfish guy. Lil, you need to figure out, what he is and how he acts toward you. That will tell you,"

"How can I figure that out if I just told him off in front of the entire common room? Cara you know how fast news travel in here. I bet by tomorrow everyone, even the teachers will know." Lily picked up the pillows and her green eyes Cara's brown. "If I was him, I don't think I would ever want to talk to me."

"Lily Marie Evans, you need to talk to James no matter," Cara said. "I don't care how you do it, but you need to sort this out. I believe that some major communication misunderstanding is going on."

"Okay. So how do you purpose I do this? I mean in a secretive way that is just for me and James,"

"A poem or a letter describing you feelings. Apologize and tell him what you really want. That's what I would do."

Lily just nodded. She was already deep in thought. Cara had a good point. If she didn't want to make it known for the entire school, then why not a letter. It was perfect.

Cara tiptoed out of the room. She smiled. Maybe Alexa was right. Maybe she was good at pep talks. She sure got Lily moving. She glanced back into the dorm room. Lily was lying on her bed surrounded by parchment and quills. She looked like she was going to be there for a while.

A year ago, Lily would have thought she was crazy if someone told her that she would be the one chasing after Potter. Now it seemed that she was truly insane. She flung another scrap of parchment into the trash bin.

She had only started writing about ten minutes ago and it was already overflowing with scribbled on, crumbled, half written parchments.

Lily stared at the note she had just recently started. _Dear James_, it read. She sighed. Who knew that writing one simple letter could be so difficult? She started writing again.

_I don't know how to tell you this but—_Lily shook her head and crumpled up that letter too. That wasn't the right thing to say to someone when describing your feelings.

_Dearest James, _that wasn't the most appropriate thing to say in a love note. She probably would remind him of his grandmother.

She sighed again and pulled at the roots of her red hair. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe if she relaxed enough the words would just come to her.

No such luck. She sighed for what seemed like the millionth time and picked up her quill again.

_I know it seemed a little un-"Lily like" of me but James I have finally succumbed to my feelings for you. _That caused her to giggle. It sounded like she was a damsel in distress waiting to be swept off her feet. She had never wanted to be that kind of person, the one that needed to be saved and helped.

She threw that out and she began to write. Every so often, peering back to her work and scratching out a sentence. Then, after thinking a moment, she would write another phrase of words over that.

In the end, she had a parchment filled with deep scratch marks and ink blobs. Yet, she was oddly pleased with her work. She had written almost a draft of the letter.

Carefully rewriting it, she crossed each 't' and dotted each 'i'. She reread it once more and before she had a chance to lose her confidence, she placed it in an envelope.

She placed it on her desk, and undressed. Once she was settled in her night clothes she snuggled deep into the blankets thinking carefully about what she had just done.

Cara seemed to have the right idea. Writing a letter made expressing her feelings that much easier. She could describe everything she was feeling in a simple note, tie it with ribbon and let the other person read it.

Yes, Cara was definitely one of the craftiest people Lily had ever met.

Lily's mind wouldn't let her fall asleep. Now in the quiet darkness of the night, she kept picturing the devastated look on James face, only minutes before he had replaced it with one of pure fury and stormed out. It made her feel horrible just thinking about it. In the seven years that she had come to know James Potter as an arrogant, manipulative, charming idiot she had never seen him look so vulnerable.

Awakening early the next morning, after only about two hours of sleep, Lily quickly showered and dressed. She picked up the thin envelope and held it between her fingers. It was a small envelope, only about 20 cm by 14 cm and it was very white against the pale silvery gray sweater she wore. On the front was _James_ written in her delicate cursive and on the back it was clean. Inside it held her truest deepest feelings. It would be horrible if it fell into the wrong hands.

It didn't help that she wasn't sure if the charm that she had put on the letter worked. She had awaken from a light sleep at about 3 in the morning with the brilliant idea to put a charm to cover her writing. Thinking about it now, it probably wasn't her best work. But she still grinned at the thought of one of the Slytherins reading the letter out loud then suddenly turning into a steamy teapot. It was a nice thought to settle her feelings of regret and worry.

She clutched the envelope and silently exited out of the common room. Being only six in the morning, not many people beside the early birds were up. She waved to a couple of Ravenclaws and slowly walked toward the owlery.

She whistled quietly, digging two owl treats out of her pocket. A golden brown owl flew to perch on her shoulder. Using some spare ribbon that was in her other pocket she tied the letter to the owl.

"Hey Ares, I need you to bring this to James at breakfast, alright?" she whispered softly stroking Ares' feathers. The owl hooted and flew from her shoulder and into the rising sun. Leaving the room slowly she followed the comforting path to the library.

Lily crept carefully into the spacious room. Even though the crazy lady was the librarian and she seemed to enjoy booting children out at closing time she seemed to have a soft spot for Lily.

And she couldn't risk going back into the common room, now that James had a chance to wake up and watch her with angry eyes. No, she couldn't take seeing them. Sirius' too. Those gray eyes could trap you into doing something that you didn't want and she really didn't want to see them.

Sitting at a table she opened a used Charms book. Feeling relaxed, she allowed herself to stop feeling so tense and to give into the soft glow of the lights and the quiet meowing of a student's cat.

"Lily, Lily, Lily," someone was shaking her. "Oh, damn. Come on Lily, wakeup before she comes." Lily yawned and blearily opened her eyes."

"What are you doing Remus?" she muttered trying to fall back to sleep. She gently swatted the hand that was laying on her shoulder.

"Well, seeing as you're my friend, I decided to save you a trip to the hospital wing." He chuckled and continued, "Cara was sneaking around the Gryffindor girls bathroom and she heard that some of the girls were going to throw some curses and threaten you into apologizing to Pro—James. So I decided that I would help you out of this situation you just happened to pull yourself into."

"Ehh. I wouldn't put it past those girls and thank you very much for this information but I could have probably pulled myself out of this situation," she said.

"oh sure! And what will you do when your covered in boils because you got in the way of a hex? Come on Lily, even you know when you need your friends' help." He said.

Lily winced as he spoke. The words accented with his annoyance toward her stupidity. She knew that he wasn't talking about the mob of girls hexing her anymore. No, now he was on to the big picture.

"FYI, I've already taken Cara's help. She helped me write a letter to James expressing my true feelings," She said trying to control the urge to stick out her tongue and add a 'so there'.

"Oh, well that's good. Cara usually has good advice."

"Yea, she has good pep talks," she said, standing up, "Remus, is James alright?" Remus' generally relaxed appearance at their childish banter was gone at the notion of James. He bit his lip and sighed. He stood up also and pushed in their chairs.

"He's hurt Lily. You hurt him. A lot." Remus tried to stop his disgust from entering his voice but he couldn't. "I think deep down he's always known that you didn't like him but last night was the tip of the iceberg. Hearing you specifically say that you didn't like him in anyway was a little much."

She groaned and banged her head on the shelf in the bookcase. " But I've put him down before, what makes this time any different?"

"All of those times you were just responding to his question. He says it in a stupid immature way and you answer him in your sophisticated style. I think he felt it was compelling him to ask you again, and again." He paused and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Last night you said no in a cold, angry almost cruel way,"

"I was fed up and I thought that the first 50 thousand times he would get that I don't want him."

"maybe in your head but in reality you want him…a lot."

"When did you get so sensitive? You know me better than I do," He shrugged his shoulders and grinned.

"I have two sisters, I have to be "sensitive" to them during 'special times of the month'" he shrugged and used air quotes around the words. "I got used to it." She chucked softly. "Now I think we should go down to breakfast. It's almost eight."

"Oh Merlin. I have about ten minutes until James gets my apology. Remus if you do anything in your life for me, please I am begging you, you have got to let James read it. Force him if you have to. Remus you're my last hope in fixing this problem."

* * *

James sat at Gryffindor table silently picking at his eggs. He just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, which at the moment seemed hopeless. Sirius was babbling on about something, Maybe Snape's hair? Or was it something that had to do with mucus? He didn't know and honestly he didn't care. 

Of course he would nod in the appropriate places maybe laugh when the other boys around the table did but all in all he was quiet. Unnaturally quiet and was attracting attention. Any other given day he would have loved being in the center of attention most of the girls were throwing him but today it was just annoying and it just about highlighted the reasons why Lily didn't like him.

Another flood of people entered the great hall, a good handful of Gryffindors and most of them all from different houses. The boys would pat his shoulder sympathetically, understanding his pain of being thrown to the side for unknown reasons, the girls would smile and flutter their eyes in a seductive manner, praying that he would look at them and maybe wink, and then the Slytherins. They were like a category in themselves. They watched him disdainfully. They all had good reason to. Most of them were undesirable to the women that they wanted and James to them was like a dead pig on a platter. Plus to them, he got what he deserved.

Rolling his eyes and turning back to the food, he settled once again with his thoughts as his friends continued to talk on.

Then, Remus seemed to appear just then looking flustered. He watched as the girl with the long red hair followed behind him and sat down next to Alexa.

Gosh, she looked gorgeous this morning. Her eyes were bright as ever but bluish bags under eyes were a sure sign that she hadn't gotten much sleep.

He exchanged good mornings with people around the table and ignored the questioning look the other three marauders were throwing his way.

"I'm guessing he hasn't said anything yet," Remus muttered to Peter.

"Not much anyway," Peter nodded his head and continued to eat. Remus getting no information turned to James and flashed him a grin. He put his back to the group and leaned down to check his school bag and get out coins for the Daily Prophet just as the morning owls rushed through holes in the ceiling.

Several appeared at the Gryffindor table. James and Remus' owls and even more to deliver the parchment.

James petted the soft golden feathers of his owl and left him nibble at his toast while he flipped through his mail. Nothing unusual. A letter from his mother, a subscription from Quidditch Weekly and another letter this one not in his mother's handwriting.

He put the others to the side and held the envelope in his hand, examining it carefully. His name was written in a dark emerald green ink that looked oddly familiar. Then it clicked, it was Ms. Lily Evans' favorite ink. She used it in every charms and transfiguration class. Damn, he was way to obsessed.

He had the first thought to just throw it away but catching a glimpse of her eyes farther down the table he could see that she looked generally sad. She was sitting between Caralynn and Alexa, looking very unfocused. Alexa and Cara were carrying the conversation, going into easy topics to talk about and Lily would nod and maybe mumble something. Maybe occasionally add a "right" or "I understand".

He tore the top off of the envelope and softly pulled the letter out from inside the envelope. He glanced upward and met Remus' eyes. Knowing that neither could talk without attracting Sirius attention, Remus took out a scrap of parchment and a quill.

_Give Lily a chance. I just talked to her about ten minutes ago and she sounded genuine. Just give her a second chance, I think you might be surprised._

James nodded and opened the letter underneath the table.

_Dear James,_

_James, I understand that I'm probably the least person that you want a letter from but hear me out. I never meant to hurt you. Seriously. I made a mistake, a very big mistake. The words that I said…shouted…to you well they can't be erased but they can be forgiven. Give me a chance to make up for it. Please. Meet me at the lake after classes. _

_Love, Lily_

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**Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any characters associated with them. How saddening.**

**Hehe. Please indulge my addiction by typing out some reviews...you know you want to! **


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